“Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self” –Cyril Connolly
For the past several weeks my post haven’t been as constant as they once were, mainly because I am working on completing the book. In all honesty another contributing factor is that I have been battling with what topics I should post on the site. I’ve been going back and forth with myself for weeks, “should I switch it up and lose what I started or should I remain where I am?” I noticed that I reached a very monumental point about a week ago when it came to views and readers. I finally started to feel as if the direction I was going in and the post that I was creating weren’t going in vain. I was starting to gain more traffic and more views but I was still questioning myself. How do you separate or determine what to post? Do I want to be real or do I want to be relevant? Do I want to be successful or do I want to be significant?
My heart was in a battle! When I started a year ago I said that I wouldn’t bend nor would I break. I would not step outside of my comfort zone and conform to what society or the public wanted. We have enough blog sites that feed us gossip, untruths, and advice that makes us want to alter our image for the wrong reasons. I am never knocking the blog sites because I am reading them daily, but I was once at a point where I didn’t know how to balance it. I was so in tune every day to what my favorite celebrities were doing I forgot to perfect my own life. I was living my life vicariously through the media and the blogs and I was losing who I was. It’s so easy to look at the Beyonce’s, the Rihanna’s, Jay Z’s, and Kanye’s and get distracted. Every day you’re listening to your favorite music, watching your favorite videos, and reading your favorite magazines,’ forgetting that the lives of those you are reading about is not your own life. I was wrapped up in fantasy land! I was into Beyonce’s pregnancy, I was intrigued by her marriage as if it was mine, and I was inspired yet still focused on what Jay had created for himself. I found myself giving the world outside of me so much attention without realizing that if I stopped focusing on them so much and give my own life a little attention I could be where they are.
I created my blog so that people just like me could have a balance. You can go and involve yourselves with your favorite everything but then come to my site and find a piece of balance along with reality. I spent many years doing what the world wanted me to do or what seemed right and then, then I found my voice. I projected my voice and who would have thought that my voice would become the voice of thousands just like me? The work that I create stopped being about me a long time ago. I started being more candid and raw when I saw the responses I was receiving. When you get an outpour of love and thank you’ s for your realness and honesty it makes you want to give more. I am offering the real me, my real life changing events, and the cost of having the honor to not see others make the same mistakes. Overnight, I had become a wave that started to drive people away from conforming to the “public” image and admitting their faults and wanting to change. I have been giving all of my readers a sense of realness and relatable material that has been helping each of you all change a portion of your lives and how you do things. So how dare I wake up one day and battle with myself if I want to step outside the box and offer a variety of material? That is not where whoisamberjanae started, that is not where this all originated, so why even entertain the thought?
I realized that I’d be robbing every one of their reality and piece of balance just as I robbed myself years prior. I want all of my readers to grown and differentiate the fantasy from reality. I want us all to wake up and know that there is a purpose for us all here on this earth. God created us all individually with a purpose so that we are not wasting our years living vicariously through another’s purpose, or we are not striving to be what the “public” wants us to be. So now when I ask myself do I want to be real or relevant? Do I want to be successful or significant? I chose real and significant!!! I chose to continue to be true to myself regardless if I have a large quantity reading, I am giving you all my true self. Offering who you really are opposed to who you are not is far better than writing for the public and having no self. Thank you Sibet for the enlightening conversation we had last night and helping me realize that changing who I am is robbing me and so many others who depend on their daily balance. Thank you all for encouraging me and believing in my dream. Someday I hope to inspire millions to not be what the public portrays or makes seem cool but to have your own lane. I hope that someday I am inspiring millions to not live life intrigued by their peers or favorite celebrities. Let’s choose to perfect our lives before we result to living life vicariously through another. Today, I pray that you all are reaching to be real, and significant opposed to relevant and successful.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.