When Your Past Comes Knocking!

Relationships can be a bit difficult.  How do you devote yourself, remain loyal and still end up hurt? I’ve heard so much “loyal people get hurt the most.” “Loyal people go through the most sh!t.” I am going to need you all to get that mindset out of your heads. As humans we are meant to be loyal, loving individuals. To extend love at any cost and not having any concern of what you gain in return THAT’S LOVE. I stopped caring what I get in return even if it meant me getting hurt. I think what most people fail to realize is, how one treats you is their karma and how you react to them determines your karma. If I take it as a lesson learn and politely move on with life I’ve done what I should have. If I seek revenge and carry on treating each person I encounter poorly I am the one who suffers. Sometimes we need to learn to control and release the hate in our hearts. What you hold on to and deliver into the universe you get back ten fold. I can’t stress enough that life is much easier when you love as God loves. If you’ve been taken advantage of after being loyal and loving someone unconditionally just move forward. Who are we as living beings to determine ones punishment for hurting us? If a relationship ended and you move on from it feeling used and defeated, moving on from it was probably in your best interest. God doesn’t give us anything he feels we are incapable of handling. If you aren’t going through life and gaining lessons from your experiences you’re living wrong. Allowing a relationship to get the best of you and turn you cold isn’t the way to solve your problems.


Relationships become even more difficult when they start to cause friction in your life and the relationship comes to an abrupt end. In my opinion the hardest relationships to let go and move on from are the ones that have been apart of your life for multiple years. It’s almost as if you go through a stage of depression attempting to get over the breakup. When you finally get over the breakup you feel a sense of relief, joy, and happiness. When getting over a breakup you can finally go about your life and rid yourself of all the things that hurt you in the past. When the pain begins to subside the memories are still there but the thought of them is less painful and traumatizing. The memories become less of you missing that person and more of you remember why you let go in the first place.


So, what happens when your past comes knocking? What are you to do when the person you got rid of suddenly decides they’ve transformed and after a few months of faux soul searching they’ve decided they love you? What I never understood was, an EX attempt to return in your life claiming they’ve completely changed and decided after only a few months they’re in love with every part of you when they’ve had years to feel these feelings. I always question their motives and I always ask myself if what they’re saying is really genuine. Are you really missing me or just the BS I put up with? Have you truly changed or are you just missing all the things I do for you? When you spend so much time forgiving a person for their wrong doings we create unhealthy patterns. We’re giving this person the okay to walk in and out of our lives whenever they want. This often times why someone from the past has a hard time excepting the fact that you’ve moved on. They take no responsibility for the things that they’ve done or the pain that they’ve created. It’s almost like they feel they have power over your life, which is extremely unfortunate.


Don’t ever let an Ex make you feel like you’re missing something: There always comes a time when your past comes knocking and they want to make you believe you’re missing something. They want you to think that you’re missing out on something in life by moving on from them. Know that you owe your past absolutely NOTHING. If it didn’t workout it simply wasn’t meant to be.


The only way to maintain your happiness in your current space is to not spiral backward: Never allow the thought of what once was trigger you to make a foolish mistake. If you’re single you have a tendency to feel alone so it’s a lot easier to want to go back into a comfort zone. Trust me when I say, being alone serves you a lot more serenity then being with someone in a relationship and feeling alone anyways. Whether you’re newly single or currently dating don’t allow your past to cause you to revisit the same harmful territory you walked away from.


Ignore if you have to: Over the years I have learned that it is absolutely nothing wrong with ignoring someone. Sometimes that’s the only real way to get your point across. Responding and making small talk gives them the okay and they start to believe you’re warming up to the possibilities of what once was. Hit IGNORE and keep it pushing.


You owe no explanations for the choices you make: They’ll want to know why you’re acting this way, why you won’t pick up, why you want accept the offer to meet up, it’s just not in your schedule. When you make changes to your life and your time is precious to you, time doesn’t permit you to do the things that once wasted your time. There is no need to explain why you’re doing what you’re doing. They are already aware as to why you are the way you are because their actions are often times the reasons behind yours.


Positivity breeds happiness and blocks out the negative: Make sure you are focused on making positive changes to your life daily. You’ve carried around enough toxic, negative, dead weight long enough. Surrounding yourself  in all things positive only draws you closer to true peace, love, and happiness.


Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.





If You Knew Better You’d Do Better: http://whoisamberjanae.com/2013/05/29/if-you-knew-better-youd-do-better/


Unhealthy Relationships And 5 Signs It’s Time To Move On: http://whoisamberjanae.com/2013/03/25/unhealthy-relationships-5-sings-its-time-to-move-on/


Toxic Waste: http://whoisamberjanae.com/2013/01/23/toxic-waste/





6 thoughts on “When Your Past Comes Knocking!

  1. Ignoring someone can be extremely unfair and breed a lot of negativity, in my experience. Unless they’ve done something really awful and you honestly don’t want someone like them in your life anymore I think it’s unjustified, pretty selfish and hurtful.

    Otherwise I agree with everything in this post.

    1. I agree, Ignoring someone can be very hurtful. Apart of being broken up and moving on from someone is cutting all ties. While ignoring them may be hurtful to them, you have to consider your well being and the circumstances you may face by keeping contact and allowing a toxic relationship to continue to linger in your life.

      I just think if you have to let go, all ties need to get cut in order for you letting go and moving on to be successful. I am sorry you didn’t agree on that part and I understand it may seem a little harsh in your opinion. I truly appreciate you reading and giving your honest feed back. I hope that you’ve enjoyed this posting. 🙂

      1. I just think it depends on the circumstances of the break up and the current situation. Sometimes it isn’t possible to cut all ties because of kids or other shared commitments. And sometimes it just isn’t actually necessary. And sometimes it is, of course.

        All the best.

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