If you haven’t noticed I took some time off. I needed a moment to reflect on my life, where I was headed, and what things I needed to remove from my life to be 100% happy. I celebrated the release of my first book on October 5th, 2013. The day after my release I fell really ill. For weeks and weeks I was in and out of the hospital and I had no idea what was going on with me. The doctors couldn’t figure it out but they kept proscribing me all these meds and frankly I was over it. I spent weeks confined to my home and for the first time I realized that sometimes life is just moving too fast. The days I’d wake up and barely have the energy to walk downstairs is when I knew that I needed to take my foot off of the gas for a moment. I was so used to moving at a quick pace, doing everything on my own, and wanting everything right at the moment, I had not once noticed the negative effect I was having on my own self.
The way that I was carrying on wasn’t healthy for me at all. I hadn’t even recognized or paid attention to the people who never left my side. I remember my hair not being done for weeks, not really being able to move while sick, so I refused to see people. I didn’t want to see anyone not even my other half but that never stopped him for reassuring me that “WE’D” get through whatever I was going through together. I can recall being so afraid. I didn’t know what was wrong but I knew that I had been poorly caring for myself for months. I didn’t eat properly; I wasn’t sleeping as I should, etc. I had lost sight of all of the important things in my life. As if being deathly ill wasn’t enough I started losing friends. This was a crucial time for me and I truly believed that people would put their own selfishness and insecurities aside and be there for me. I was very wrong about that… Not only was I sick and beating myself up mentally about everything I was enduring, I was being publicly attacked and insulted by women I once called “friends.” In life you expect so much more from people and soon you realize that your expectations of those individuals were far too high. I started to get the impression that people hated me when in reality they didn’t hate me, they hated who they weren’t. Sometimes you are a reflection of everything someone desires to be.
The next time you are insulted, antagonized, or talked about; know that you hold a certain significance that they long for. It’s not you it’s them!!!!!!! While I was sick I got to put my life into perspective. I realized that I wasn’t on my time but I was on God’s time. It was ok for me to slow my pace and focus on being healthy and taking care of myself. Over the past month I felt like I slowly started to live again. I was able to recognize that love existed in my life and it didn’t fail me once in my time of need. I finally opened my eyes and saw that no matter the amount of people against me there were mountains more standing right next to me to support me. In my time away from my blog, promotion for the book, or anything work related, I grasped the fact that I am in no rush in life. Things are unfolding for me on their own time and it’ll all happen at the right moments. My happiness is my hands and not the hands of others. I am learning not to be scorned of affected by what people think of me. More often than not what someone says about you says more about them than it ever will about you.
I woke up one day and I was feeling a lot better than I ever felt before. I was healthy and smiling far more than ever before. I am grateful and blessed that my life is filled with true love, true friendship, true supporters, and my never ending love for God. Against my own will I was forced to stop, slow my pace, and start moving at the beat of my own drum. I no longer desired to do what other expected of me. God has a funny way of showing us things and me being sick was a wake up call, blessing is disguise, and learning experience all wrapped in one. I am destined for great things in life as well all are. There is a purpose here on this earth for us all. I knew that I’d never reach my full potential moving too fast and not stopping to enjoy the significance in life. I am back to doing what I know and love and my heart is at peace while doing it all.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.