Confronting What’s Keeping You In Bondage!

You ever feel trapped? Or so full of things you want to say but you can’t quite say them? I’m lying in bed. It’s about a quarter to eight and raining here in California. All I can think about is all of my pent up unspoken words & of course sleep. Lately I’ve been trying this thing where instead of shutting people out and closing the door on the root to my feelings I’ve been letting things out. The main reason I’ve chosen to do so was because when I’m struggling emotionally I don’t release it. I refuse to talk about the things I go through out of fear I’ll appear weak for having emotions. My mind wanders a lot and I always think of what I want to say, when I should say it but my ego and pride has me gagged, stopping me from speaking. I remember my other half telling me how much he hates when I go into a shell because it bothers him. For a long while after he told me I continued to do it until it started to put a strain or draw a wedge in between us. For the first time I was able to see how much my own habits affected someone whom I loved and who loved me. More important I saw just how much it affected the person I love most which is me. My emotional blockage made me sad and moody, two terrible combinations. Eventually, I became unbearable to be around. When you truly love someone the one thing in life that makes you smile is their smile. All he wanted was my smile and for it to be real. I can’t imagine being around someone 24/7 unable to predict their mood. I can’t imagine suffering watching someone you love sad and there’s nothing you can do because they don’t speak. You don’t even know if you’re the root of the problem so it changes your mood too. My ways were rubbing off & sucking the happiness from people’s lives. My smile was fake 90% of the time. The real smile was hiding behind my emotional blockage. I had dealt with all of the things of my past & forgiven everyone that I could for the sake of my happiness. I had learned the value of being alone so that I could be that woman who truly loved herself when the right man came along. I had done it all the right way but how was it that this one problem kept resurfacing?

My job had switched me to another location out of nowhere about a week ago. In my mind I’m thinking what the hell? But I did my best to adapt to the new environment. I ran into a young lady with whom I attended high school with and she complimented me on how beautiful I was, how I hadn’t lost my sense of style, and how my confidence shined. I thanked her with the widest grin on my face because I didn’t know all of that could be seen with a glance. Out of nowhere she started to reveal to me how she had overcome so much & how she had turned her life over to God & she was committed to being a better person. I listened and smiled proudly. She shared one thing at me that stuck with me and tugged at my heart. She told me “I only felt free from my biggest struggles when I confronted them. When you confront a situation or a person it brings healing. Eventually, you’ll free yourself from it. Trust that the truth is never void.” I thought about what she had said for hours and everything she had said started to make sense. The root to my emotional blockage had yet to be confronted and permanently removed from my life. There was someone in my life at the time who’s words and actions had a major impact on me. I awaited their approval for everything and when I never got it, that blockage came into play. I shut everyone down and everyone out. I knew that I had to confront this person. If I wanted to be able to move forward and not continue to draw a wedge between myself and the people who mattered most I had some confronting to do. The next morning I finally had the courage to say everything I had been dying to say for so long. The more I spoke the more that I felt relieved. I felt like years of weight was coming off of me. It was amazing to feel and I knew in that moment what I struggled with was a struggle no more. So I did the confronting part but what about when she told me the truth never being void? She told me each time she confronted her past, the people she confronted ran from the truth when they were confronted. She told me I may not get the response I am looking for but if the person you’re confronting runs from how you truly feel it’s ok. At some point they’ll repent to you because they know what’s true and for that reason the truth will never be void. I knew that I didn’t get the response I expected but I did what I needed to free myself from that emotional struggle. I see so much of a change today. Constant prayer & dust has kept me hopeful that things will continue to look up as long as I am true to myself. If you’ve been facing an issue lately with something or someone that’s keeping you in bondage emotional, confront it of them. It saves you the struggle of causing yourself unnecessary grief along with those around you. Be honest and be truthful and remember, the truth is NEVER void. Wish you all much love and many blessings. My new book ‘A Woman’s Quest to Self Love will be filled with encouraging words like the ones I shared tonight. It’s scheduled to release 3.15.14 & I hope you all snag a copy.


Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.

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