I can recall the days that I reveled in other people’s lives and couldn’t hold a conversation with a girlfriend without discussing someone else’s life. Back in 2008-2009 I had just launched my first blog site whoisamberjanae.net, it had no real structure nor did I have any real clue what the hell I was doing. So it pretty much was nothing for me to be proud of. Along with my blog I was working two meaningless jobs that I was deeply unhappy with. I was at a point in life where I was miserable and of course I surrounded myself with women who could relate to my feeling of miserable-ness and self-hatred. It was almost refreshing to speak on someone else and shine light on their downfalls because it made each of us sitting in a room feel good about ourselves temporarily.
Once our conversation would cease we were still who we were before the conversation started and so were the individuals we were choosing to discuss. At that point in my life I was too young and too bitter/miserable to realize that gossiping said far more about me than it said about the person I was dragging through the mud. It’s so easy to critique and breakdown all of what’s wrong with someone else’s life without thinking twice to stare in the mirror and dissect you. I guess it’s just easier to point out the next person’s flaws before admitting where you are falling short. In a sense, gossiping makes you feel as if you’re on top of your game and far more advanced than the person you are gossiping about. When in reality negatively discussing others is just a form of disguising ones insecurities, jealousy, or pure hatred for the person they find solitude in bringing down.
There’s that age old saying: “What Sally says about Suzie says more about Sally than it ever will about Suzie.” It took me years to grasp that. It wasn’t until I had begun to come face to face with “friends” who were just like me. I had spent years ignoring who I chose to be around and for that I suffered with the same silly issues for years. I entertained women who found it satisfying to tell her new friends all of her old friend’s deepest darkest secrets. It would put me in awkward situations because, here I am meeting this woman for the first time in my life. She knows nothing personal about me yet I know all of her most delicate life secrets. I felt ashamed that I allowed myself to be a part of such a crowd let along contribute to it all. When gossiping, you never really stop to think how you’re affecting the person you’re discussing. While they may not be around at the moment, the gossip spreads and by the time it gets to the 10th person the story has changed. Gossiping not only hurts people but it has a tendency to ruin relationships and tarnish ones reputation. I guess it’s safe to say if you fall into the category of “Gossip Folk” start monitoring your surroundings and the company you keep. When with friends, you should be discussing your own lives and business ventures, not the scandals of the next person life. It all starts with surrounding yourself with quality people. People who work their asses off daily to become someone and don’t find fulfilment in bringing others down. People who inspire you and uplift you to be a better you.
Believe it or not, getting rid of that gossip root starts with YOU. When I first heard off the wall gossip about myself it really hurt my feelings. But it also made everyone around me appear questionable and untrustworthy. I hung around so many people who gossiped I had no idea where the story had originated. I learned at that moment, if I wanted others to accept me and not talk negatively about me I had to start changing what I said and did to others. It all started with:
- Monitoring the company I kept.
- Not repeating anything about anyone I wasn’t sure was factual.
- I stopped using social media to put other people’s lives together and make stories.
- I simply minded my own damn business and thoroughly enjoyed doing so.
Life is funny, when you have one of your own that you’re proud of you could care less what others are doing and how they are doing it. I stopped giving so much to people recently and learned to keep what I want to myself, private and lock down. If you’re one of those people who are constantly gossiped about I suggest you trying the same tactics. Not everyone wants to see you happy and succeeding in life. There are individuals who find it seemingly impossible to not visit your social networks daily or ask around to see what you’re up to. I stopped posting so much of my personal life and just let my work shine. All they need to know is that I am on my grind and I am working and living well. The world aka your Instagram followers don’t need updates on your relationship. Your twitter and Facebook friends don’t need status updates broadcasting your every move. I learned the less they know the less they have to concoct lies and spread gossip. When you have a life of your own that’s fully demanding of your time and attention, what other people have going on serves of no purpose to you. Avoid gossiping because you’re hating or you’re just bored and have nothing else better to do with your time. Before some negative words or 2nd hand, hand me down gossip leaves your lips, question the source and check within you and why you even feel obligated to repeat it. Often times it’s out of hurt, jealousy, or pure hate that you discuss others. So maybe it isn’t them it’s all in YOU. Be a woman/man of purpose. Not a woman/man people dread talking to because they’re afraid you’ll run and tell the town the conversation the moment they leave the room. In order to have friends you have to be a solid one and in order to make friends you must appear trustworthy the moment someone first meets you. If you’re lacking those qualities check yourself and the company you keep cause you just may be one of them “Gossip Folk.”
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.