“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.”
I was having a phone conversation with my little sister a few days ago. We always find ourselves randomly sending each other “I miss you” text throughout the week. She lives in
LA where she’s furthering her education and it’s been so difficult being a part from her. Anyways, we were having a heart to heart and out of nowhere she told me, “I Love You, you’re so strong.” I told her I loved her back but I wasn’t quite sure how to receive the part about me being strong. Before that conversation I hadn’t put much thought into my strengths and what I am truly capable of overcoming and not letting it turn me into a deranged woman. You carry on so much through life, picking up the pieces of what’s been broken, what needs to be shed, and what just plain needs to be let go of. It’s a natural reflex almost. It’s pretty much just, life happens get over it right? A few weeks ago I shared a post about me overcoming depression and severe anxiety. http://whoisamberjanae.com/2014/07/09/the-disabling-unknown-suffering-in-silence/ I just calmly got through it all, me, myself, and I. I isolated myself because I don’t like the idea of pity or sympathy from others. Being babied makes me feel worse and in the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time fa that!” I just relied on God and myself to pull me out of a deep dark state. There in those darkest months my strength came into play. I’ve battled a lot over the years, from suicide attempts, self-hate, being bullied, having my heart broken, emotional and physical abuse, you name it, I been through it and survived it. I never really wanted an award or recognition for it though; I just wanted to know the feeling of waking up and not feeling broken. I was always determine to feel as if I had full control over my life again.
So to hear my baby sister tell me that she admires my strength felt good. It also made me realize that I don’t give myself enough credit in that area as much as I should. I am so imperfect that it’s scary sometimes. I am a flawed individual but I can own up to my flaws, apologize for my wrongs, and take accountability for my actions. That’s strength! I want to be the one to tell you today in case you haven’t heard it in a while, FIND YOUR STRENGTH. In the past several months I’ve dealt with the inevitable and hurdled over so many obstacles. I was down and feeling like I would never get up, and her I am still standing. I am not afraid to get on my knees and cry out to God when I need to know that I am not fighting these battles alone. I am not afraid to admit what has knocked me down and stand to be a testament as to how I got right back up from it. I am certainly not afraid to walk away from anything that cripples my smile, cramps my hustle, or makes me feel anything less than what I already am. I deserve nothing but the best, and it takes true strength to set boundaries and barriers to only allow the best in your life or to go after it.
From this day forward I am going to need you to wipe your tears, that storm in your life is only temporary. The deeper you get into wallowing in your pain and sorrows, the bigger your chances of drowning are. Think about what’s going on in your life today. Forget the job offer that you had your hopes up for because there’s a better one out there especially for you. Find your strength to keep job hunting and trust that it is coming. Never mind your haters and your naysayers, you are destined to win, focus on your journey and not what others have to say. Being a strong and confident person allows you to determine what you choose to believe and carry in your heart. Find the strength to pray and let God heal your heart. It may be unbearable, it may seem impossible, but trust me; if it’s gone, it’s gone for a good reason. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and defeated and like your hard work isn’t going to pay off, find your strength to rid yourself of those feelings and thoughts. Our thoughts keep us in bondage. It isn’t long before we begin to operate on the negative things we choose to feed ourselves. Nothing good comes from negativity. It’s pretty much like going days without eating. Feeding yourself with negative thoughts and habits provides no nourishment to your life. You may not see it but when you’re walking around negative by choice, you’re starving yourself of a healthy life. I can’t stress the importance of believing the things that you are capable of. The impossible isn’t impossible at all, you just have to find strength and believe that you can achieve it. Not too long ago someone told me that because I express my emotions and I choose to cry that I am a weak woman. I was offended but then I laughed. I laughed because their immaturity was amusing and I couldn’t imagine that person going through my life and dealing with all that I’ve dealt with and still feeling untouchable. It takes true skill and strength, not make believe fronting. My response was, “How could I be weak? Look at where I am in life right now.” Expressing your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them is a part of the process. How will you ever overcome anything by shoving it down your throat and pretending like it never happened? Allow yourself to feel defeat, allow yourself to feel pain, allow yourself to cry and grieve, but ALWAYS be strong and pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. If life were easy we’d all be perfect but since it isn’t we must learn how to defeat all oppositions that a set against us. Feel, be free, be true, trust in yourself enough to FIND YOUR STRENGTH and keep pressing forward.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.