I never thought I’d live to see the day where people are so comfortable with building others up, toying with their emotions, only to let them go so effortlessly. This new generation values things and dispose of people when it should be the other way around. I find it funny that certain individuals have a way of making connections but have yet to figure out how to value the connections that they’ve built. I can admit there has never been a time in my life that I haven’t had to dispose of a few of people. There are instances in life where you grow attached to wolves in sheep clothing. Face it, shit happens. However, I have never been so eager to dispose of those who have always been reliable in my life. If I rid myself of you there’s reasoning behind it. I’ve noticed that there are many of people who tend to over look those who genuinely love them because they’re so eager to gain attention from the ones who aren’t genuine and don’t love them at all. It’s said the attention we crave for is what we value most. I was always taught to give love where love is received. I am a woman (a Pisces woman at that) so off top I am a nurturer along with being overly sensitive. I believe that every connection I have in my life currently is a key to helping me become a better woman. Whether I am learning to be a better partner or learning to be a better friend, all of the people around me contribute to me being BETTER.
I feel obligated to nurture, show love and support the people around me. I just believe more in showing people you care opposed to telling them. A friend of mine once told me years ago how much I complain about what I went through growing up. Her advice to me was “stop complaining and be the person that you always needed growing up.” Her words were the realest advice ever given to me. From that day forward I knew to be that person I always needed around in my younger years. I never imagined becoming that person I would cross paths with individuals who take advantage of that. It’s a harsh reality when you realize folks won’t always have the same heart as you do. You have to be able to know when to be genuine and when to keep certain people at a safe distance. Not everyone you encounter is worthy of your time, love and energy. I’ve discovered that it is far easier for the disposer to discern their prey than it is for those being disposed of to know when to keep their guard up around a toxic people. Part of building bonds and making connections is being courageous enough to take that risk. When loving someone romantically or as a friend it means that you’re giving that person(s) the power to hurt you but trusting that they’ll value you all that you are instead. The trouble is not being sure when it is safe to open up. A lot of us keep our guard up and never take that risk with those we cross paths with out of uncertainty or fear. It’s a growing epidemic for this new generation to constantly vocalize how they don’t have feelings and how they don’t trust new people. That whole “no new friends” movement is the wave I guess. My only response to those types of people is how the hell are you making it through life? There are people in this world who’ve become unrecognizable to themselves just for the sake of blending in with others. Everybody is so damn guarded and afraid, but for what? Life is tough, you meet people and build connections with the expectancy that they’ll last a lifetime. Not every encounter you make in life is meant to last for eternity and we have to get past that belief. Just because something ends does NOT mean it’s the end of the world. It just signifies that it’s the beginning of something greater. If it ended I hope you learned from it. Shutting down and becoming guarded is a clear indication you’ve learned nothing at all. Any friendships and relationships that didn’t last in my life have taught me a significant amount of things about myself. I mostly realized what I needed to change about myself and work on. Whether they were issues I was dealing with and masking, or qualities I had no idea I possessed, my past friendships and partners have been mirrors to help me see my own weaknesses and most importantly strengths.
It’s healthy to take note of the fact that when you notice flaws in others it’s more than likely a flaw you possess yourself. Doesn’t matter if you know it, ignore it or simply do not want to believe it, but what exist in the people you surround yourself with very often time exists in you too. Some of us are so used to losing that we don’t know how to win! I take pride in the quality people who I’ve met and continue to meet. When you have someone in your life that supports you, genuinely cares about your well-being and you can count on it’s truly a blessing. It’s so rare to have in this new day and age so why not cherish it? It’s amazing how this new generation values false connections or temporary bonds over the promising ones. If you have genuine people around that value you, nurture them. It takes seconds to burn a bridge with someone you trust and potentially build a life long bond with. It takes forever to get over the what if’s and the fact that you’ve ruined something real. I guess it all boils down to my biggest lesson I preach on the blog, knowing your worth. When you know your worth and value yourself, you would much rather have quality over quantity. The inability of trusting yourself leaves you lost and confused. You’re too unsure about who you are. What you desire. What you need and most importantly what you deserve. So when you’re building connections your judgment is more than likely to be impaired. You have to love yourself and see yourself on too high of a level to value less than you deserve. When you don’t value yourself you become accustom to disposing of the people of value in your life because they serve and feed your soul with things you aren’t used to.
It’s easy to be easy. It’s easy to value the dead-end friendships or the half assed relationships that lack commitment/responsibility because it allows you to stay the same. In my opinion I believe that the desire to not change forces us to make poor decisions and develop false connections. It even causes us to hold on to those who stop us from maturing into better people New people challenge you. When you meet new friends on new levels they’re going to challenge you to be better and to step your game up. In the past I’ve noticed that those types of connections I used to cut off. I didn’t feel confident enough to surround myself with such people. My insecurities got in the way of me being around strong, solid individuals. So it was easier to dispose of them and go back to what I knew. All I knew was my comfort zone and that it felt good for the time being. When you don’t know what you’re worth or tend to be a bit insecure around those who appear stronger than you are, you’ll shy away because being the same ol’ you feels comfortable. Intimidation and insecurity have cost me a lot in the past. Same pattern when meeting a new man/woman who is sure of what they want and won’t accept anything less. Those types of individuals are going to challenge you to get it together and become a better person. Not just a person for them but for yourself as well. If it’s too much of a commitment and responsibility you’ll feel more comfortable with quantity over quality. We all know, ain’t nothing like being the same ol’ you and remaining comfortable.
The people you encounter in life aren’t things. I became my best when I learned how to value other people feelings just as I value my own. Unless it’s a toxic situation it makes no sense to make a habit out of disposing of great people. You miss out on so much being that closed off individual too afraid to be social because your insecurities or fear of growth holds you back from wanting new and better. I’m an introvert with a lot of extrovert qualities. One quality I’ve always valued about myself is that I am always down for meeting new people. I give support and show love without expecting anything in return. That’s just how my heart is set up. Life ran a lot smoother for me when I got rid of my “what can you do for me/have done for me” mentality. I let go of what people would think of me and did more of what made me happy. I did less of what would please others or make me look “cool.” I’d much rather be happy than do what’s “it.”
It is perfectly okay to keep the same connections and bonds you’ve built over time. No matter what we go through I still have my same friends that have been around for years. I’m just not so prone to remaining the same and not being open to new people who offer new life experiences. Rid yourself of the habit that enables you to dispose of quality people out of fear of changing and becoming a better you. I think our biggest lesson to learn in life is to begin to appreciate our lives more. When we begin to value our lives more it opens up a new realm. I find that the value of self is transferable. Something about unconditional love that opens up the door for you to value and love others just the same. We’d spend less time mourning the loss of those we once loved or cared about if we learned to appreciate real connections and respect rather than praise attention.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.