I finally acknowledged the fact that I needed a breather. I really needed to step back into my own, which may sound completely crazy. But, I truly felt like I had completely checked out of my own body. For the past few weeks I’ve felt as if I haven’t been 100% myself at all. I needed a break from my blog, well writing in general. Of course I never leave my blog without great intentions. The whole point of me taking a step back was to subtract what emotions were hindering me from moving forward. Can we say mission accomplished? After this past week I feel refreshed, renewed, rebuilt, but more importantly I feel reminded. I am reminded of my biggest lesson to myself for the past year which has been healing and wholeness. Last week I was sitting and thinking about all of the things that I’ve endured throughout time. The good that’s taken place in my life, I’ve made a mental note to make those things 10x better in the coming year. The bad were a tad different for me. I’ve chosen to assess the bad and all that it’s taught me opposed to dwelling on how it forced its way in attempting to break me. By far one of the most profound things that has ever left my lips was, “God is making changes in my life that I am very much aware of. I want to grow and be worthy of the blessings he’s bestowing into my life. I do not want to waste any time or miss any blessings pretending to be someone I am not or remaining stagnant not growing into the woman I was not called to be.” My biggest accomplishment to date has been my refusal to live life broken. It’s a painful thing to carry on brokenly throughout life. You encounter so many people in your years on this earth. It’s crazy that keeping certain people around is often dependent on our wholeness and emotional state.
My biggest wake up call was when I lost a really great friend a few years back all because I let what was weighing me down tear our friendship apart. There are people in our lives who either hinder us or help us. Those who desire to help us will only tolerate our baggage if we’re willing to help ourselves. I didn’t want to be helped at the time so my friend loved me from a distance. Needless to say, her being fed up is what led me to seek out wholeness for the betterment of myself. The pivotal moments in our lives are the ones we see ourselves developing despite feeling short-changed for so many years. It’s having the courage to grow no matter how many times you’ve felt broken into pieces. I’ve shared previously how my coworker’s pain on many occasions has been a reflection of my own past experiences. As we sat and talked on Friday morning she told me stories about a friend of hers that is bad news. She said she feels in her gut that her friend isn’t a good person. She wants to cut off all ties to the friendship, but feels bad about it. Rule number 1? NEVER feel bad about cutting anything or anyone from your life that subtracts from your peace. My coworker is currently at a point where she’s trying to grow and heal past her pain. One of the many things holding her back is her relationship with her friend. Her friend’s brokenness is interfering with her healing and becoming whole after being broken for so long. When people walk into our lives we admire them. Depending on whom we are and how our hearts are set up, our admiration turns to like and later our like turns to love. Love creates a deep connections with the people in our lives. Soul ties is what I often refer to them as. But, what good are those connections if they serve us no purpose? What is the likelihood of you not suffering internally from a toxic soul tie? When things in life break us or break pieces of us rather, it is our job to do whatever it takes to heal that brokenness in order to move forward. Many of us do not heal before trying to move forward. You may feel like you’re moving, but anything left unhealed will always be an old scar that can easily become an open wound again if not handled with proper care. We often take our brokenness and project it onto others. We become so immune to the pain of not being whole that we attract those who are like us or we run away the people who are not.
Brokenness is like a domino effect. It hits everything and everyone in your life until you make the conscious decision to get whole.The only way to successful do that is through healing. It’s even more difficult trying to grow out of your pain when you’re constantly surrounded by those who remind you of it. You cannot remain connected to broken people. Two people broken is a cluster fuck of reckless emotions and uncontrollable rage. You’re angry at yourself for being broken, but the broken people you’re connected to become your target because they two are bitter and broken. How does it bother us more that the people we surround ourselves with are just as emotionally cripple as we are, but we refuse to make the effort to correct ourselves first? When you learn to stop pointing fingers you successfully tackle the most difficult part, admission to your problem. Admitting there’s a problem leads you to what you need to do in order to get whole and leave the brokenness behind. It hurt like hell the day I looked in the mirror and told myself “It ain’t just them; got dammit it’s you too.” We hardly ever take notice of the fact that we subject ourselves to what we see fit. You feed your life, spirit, as well as your mind with what you believe you are deserving of. If you doubt you deserve the best than it’s less than that you’ll chase after or attract. Those of us who aren’t whole will accept anything all because we feel like it’s all that’s out there for us. The search for wholeness through others only fills our voids, it never heals us. It only temporarily fills the emptiness. What happens when you’re broken again and in need of repairing more damage than there was before? Latching on to what fills the void is only satisfying for so long. We commit to hurting ourselves waiting around hopelessly for those we love to change; a change that most likely won’t ever come. You can’t change anyone but you! Changing yourself is a full-time job. Why would you want to subtract from bettering yourself wasting time attempting to change someone else?
While we all battle with our own struggles, wholeness has been one of mine for quite some time. I am living proof that commitment to wanting to be whole is what gets you there. Wanting to save you is where the healing begins. Be whole because you want it for YOU! Refuse to want to live your life with the constant feeling of defeat. Refuse to carry on throughout life blaming others for what they’ve done. Accept responsibility and commit to healing. Remember that our emptiness that we feel within is not do to lack of love from others. Our emptiness is caused by lack of love for ourselves and relying on other to fill us up. Do not seek healing in expectancy of love from others. The love you give to you is timeless. Your wholeness and self-love will always be worth more than love from another living being. Here’s to seeking healing, wholeness is one of the greatest things we can aim for. Wholeness is one of our greatest blessings that we need in order to live a completely fulfilled life.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.