About 5-6 years ago, I lay stretched out in my hallway texting a friend. I remember this night clear as day. In our conversation I said that I wanted to write books in hopes to inspire others, mainly women. I said I wanted to write books, I wanted to revamp my blog and start getting my work out there. I said I wanted to share my stories in hopes to push young girls suffering with what I have suffered through in the right direction. My goal was to inspire women my age and older to see that there is far more life beyond their circumstances. I have survived a shit load of pain and if I could so could you. My goal has always been to get others to see that. I truly believe where I have always desired to be in life is growing daily. I am that woman who isn’t satisfied unless she’s giving a piece of her heart to others. I hate to see people being made to feel terrible about their lives or circumstances. I am not content unless I am offering love and support. Why? Because I have been that girl, I have been that girl too scared and afraid because people made me feel that way. Do you know how it feels to have so much hope in your life and be broken down? Do you know the pain of having a vision only to have people that you expect to support you label you vision impossible? Do you know the pain of not knowing whether you’re coming or going, whether or not you’ll make it through another day? I have had people around me build me up and for whatever reason it was projected in other ways, mostly negative. I used it as fuel; I used it as my ammunition. I wrote and published my first book, shopped it to many of publishers and it FAILED. I kept going! I spent years perfecting a book that I believed in. I had a large support system that eventually started to dwindle because they could not accept that I refused to accept my failure. I refused to believe that God would not make a way. If I had to learn how to put an entire book together myself, design my own book covers and pay out of my pocket, I would make my dreams come to life. So, that is what I did. I now sit on 3 self-published books, and another one on the way. I still live with the dream that one day a well-known publisher will realize my passion and talent. Or, maybe I will market my ass off and be a best seller on my own. I do not know God’s plan, but what I do know is I see it. I can taste it, I can smell it. I have spent nights wondering how I was going to make it. Blogging and writing books because it was all I had, all that would listen to me. I have cried myself to sleep numerous of nights because those who I counted on could not see how their ways affected me. But, I kept going! I have had friends that once supported me bad mouth me and wish bad on me. Friends who I’ve gone broke for, held their hands when they’ve cried, turned their backs on me. I have felt alone, I have lost all hope, I have wondered how I am going to pay this bill and publish this book. I have wondered all of this and God STILL made a way. I stopped caring what they said and what they thought and I just did it. It is a kick in the gut when you’re working your ass off to give back to others and everyday someone you love rejects you or tries to tear you down. Women who you once supported constantly trying to break you because they knew the weak you, the hurt you, but couldn’t stand to see you make it out. Feeling as if your own family doesn’t want the best for you or love you as much as they should. But baby, this is NOT about me, this about the women who I dream to inspire. This is about me knowing that there is a story of pain, tears and triumph behind my glory. People see the glory, your highs and don’t understand the half of what you’ve gone through and wouldn’t last a day in your shoes. This isn’t about money, being famous or accolades, I’ve worked my ass off since the age of 15 so I know how to make a dollar outside of writing. This is about lifting women up, this about being the woman who I did not have growing up. This is about unity, empowerment, this is about LOVE. I know my destiny and my hearts desires will collide as time moves forward. I truly believe in my heart that my work will lead me somewhere that I could never imagine. Where that place is I currently do not know. I just know when I do make it; it’ll be me and thousands of other women that support me who made it with me. So I will keep fighting, I will keep writing and I will not be afraid to tell my story. I fell silent out of fear of hurting people from sharing my story. But, it is important that people know the pain that they’ve caused me. It’s important for everyone to know that they may have caused me pain, self-doubt, left me alone, but no matter what they did it shaped me before it succeeded in breaking me. My only advice to all of you is, do not be broken, be shaped and be molded. Keep going. Keeping fighting and know that it is ok to cry along the way. God is making a way, God will make a way, God has made a way.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.