Life After A Breakup: How Long Should You Stay Single?

ADLet’s face it, breakups are the worst. Some aren’t as easy as others. There’s tears, anger and learning to live without someone we’ve grown to love. If he’s lucky enough we let him live and don’t cut his brake lines, hehe. When some of you reach out to me I really appreciate the openness about your love lives. Some things are easy for me to give advice on and others, I am just like “Baby, I am still working through it, contact me in 6 months.”

How Long Should I Stay Single After A Breakup?

The above question was one of which I needed time to figure out my damn self. I’ve gotten that question so much and I honestly could not give a real answer. I was lost in the fog, I didn’t know at all. Can’t really provide an answer to something you’re presently experiencing. Going through a breakup not too long ago really changed my life. I’ve only had two other serious relationships and although they didn’t work out I never felt as if I had lost a huge chunk of me afterward. This past breakup had me feeling all sorts of ways and maybe it’s the magnitude of the relationship or simply what went on within the time you two were together that changes how you react when it’s over. Thankfully, I walked out bruised, but never broken.

My best advice is to stay single as long as you can after a breakup!!!

I say that with confidence. I can recall being so caught up in not wanting to be alone and I soon realized that not giving myself time to breathe was doing it all wrong. This time around I did exactly what was necessary, I let myself breathe. I had the opportunity to allow myself to feel as long as I needed to. I ignored people calls and emails. I cut my eyes or cursed out anybody who tried to force me to move on before I was ready. You all have that one person who will always tell you, “You need to just let it go.” Girl, Bye! I turned down any offers to go out on dates. Sounds crazy, but how would I differentiate if I really liked a guy or if he was just a space filler to help me cope with my heartbreak? I lost a love, but fell deeper in love with myself and writing. I had to learn me all over again. I wrote as much as I could as long as I could. A lot of days, the words that poured directly from my soul taught me new things about the woman I was becoming. It also taught me a lot about the woman I was happy to leave behind. I wrote my best work while feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I listened to John Legend almost everyday. Some days it made me cry, most days it made me smile imagining the love that awaits me in the near future. I had to know who I was without a counterpart. I had to know what it felt like to not have someone to check up on and go out with every Friday night. It sucked, but it was my reality. I would rather detox my life and get rid of it all naturally than live in denial or move on too soon and not really deal with the loss of the relationship.

The reality is, love and relationships when you’re young is like life when all we knew was car phones. The shit is hard! We almost never get it right the first time (In my case the 2nd or 3rd LOL.) But it’s all good, I am totally okay with that. What I have learned is, no matter what went wrong, I still have the chance to do it right alone opposed to being coupled up. I am proud that I’ve taken this time to reconnect with numero uno. I truly enjoy flying solo and rebuilding with myself. There are moments when we give far too much of ourselves to people and situations. Because of desire to give more than we should it takes way more time to rebuild that relationship with yourself. I felt like I had to regain my own trust, as crazy as that may sound. I know that I won’t be single forever, so why not invest the time I am single into what really matters so I am for real ready when the time is right? Don’t let a breakup be the reason you stop connecting with yourself. Stay single as long as you can. Stay single until you feel as if you can trust yourself enough to be attached to someone and not feed their soul more than you feed your own. Live freely. Love you first. Be single until you get it right with you. If you ain’t right alone you’ll never get it right with someone else.

Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.

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15 thoughts on “Life After A Breakup: How Long Should You Stay Single?

  1. Great post! I have come to this same conclusion after a recent devastating breakup. I think taking that part to be with yourself and find your own happiness is key.

    My favourite part: ” If you ain’t right alone you’ll never get it right with someone else.”

    1. Thank you, I am so glad that you enjoyed. Happy to hear that you’ve overcome your breakup and focusing on you. No matter what happened, you’re still standing and thats what counts. 🙂

  2. Thank you for writing this, Amber. I’m going through a rough breakup right now and I keep going back and forth between feeling like I should at least try to date (due to outside pressure from friends and family) and just wanting to be alone. When it comes to falling in love again, I can’t even think that far ahead. I appreciate you for reminding me that all that matters right now is focusing on myself.

    1. Youre so welcome love. Take it from me, dont let anyone pressure you until you are ready. You really have to spend time with yourself and get you back together. I know it may be difficult, but I did. I was at such a low point last year and I made it through so I know you can. A grown boy never realizes the full potential of a woman until he no longer has her and shes happy somewhere else. Let your life revolve around you as long as you can and trust me, God will send the right man to make you forget all the pain from the past. Im always here to encourage and support you.

      Xoxo

  3. Forcing a situation when you’re not ready and haven’t fully healed will only set you back and cause more confusion. That’s a lesson I had to learn the hardway. Great advice in this post! 🙂

  4. This helped me so much. I’m just three weeks out of a relationship where I completely lost myself and struggling to get life to make sense again. It helps to know I’m not alone and that there is sunshine on the other side. Great post!

    1. The fact that this helped you means so much to me. You losing yourself in this relationship is the first step to you finding all of who you truly are. Let the loss of this relationship lead you to endless self-discovery. You’re definitely not alone and there is always light at the end of every tunnel. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. God bless!

  5. Wow what a great post, I’m going through a break up where I kept punishing myself by going back, he got what he wanted and then continued to say I don’t want you back. That has now stopped, I’ve been very low but from this week I’ve started writing in a journal which is helping! You are right about wanting to fill the void, but why not fill that with yourself! That’s what I intend to do, look after number one, I have a lot to give, he just wasn’t the right person to share it with. Thank you! X

    1. Lauren,

      I have been exactly where you are. It takes so much power in order for us to walk away from toxic situations. We have to learn to value ourselves enough to know that feeling or being wanted isn’t enough. Just because a man makes us feel wanted it in the moment doesn’t mean he deserves access to any part of us. Continue to write in your journal, grow in love with yourself and be alone for as long as it takes you to heal completely. Always give unto yourself, endlessly. Keep looking after number 1 and when the time is right you’ll be blessed with the right one for you. Sending you love and prayers my dear. xoxoxo

  6. Thank you for this post. I’m currently a few months out of a 10 year relationship and I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing. I’m trying to be strong but it is so difficult, this post has really helped me see that there will be a time where I will be OK xxx

    1. I know the heartbreaking feeling of having to pick up the pieces after a relationship ends. The thing is, when I was going through this I was pushed closer and closer to God. I have experienced some things in that alone time with him that I never thought I would. Not only did he deliver me from the pain that I felt, but he delivered me from the feeling of wanting to wallow in that space forever. I tell you this because there is and will be so much hope after you heal. You have to continue to keep fighting. Find something that you love and are interested in and dive into that. Seek help or lean on someone to chat when you’re feeling lonely, but whatever you do, do not forget to forgive the person you’re no longer with. That is your first step to internal piece and the healing of your heart. You have to forgive them and accept the relationships ending before you begin to heal. All else will continue to follow. If you ever need someone to talk to please reach out to me in a private email. I know what you’re going through, but I also survived my struggle when I didn’t have the strength to keep moving forward. I am praying for you and have faith in you. God bless xoxo!

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