“The homie said it’s not many of us, I told him less is more it’s plenty of us.” –Jay Z
Saturday afternoon I laid out at the beach tanning. I smiled as Beyonce’s “Smash Into You” jammed through my iPhone headsets. It was the perfect song to be blaring as I watched the waves from the ocean crash to shore. It was a beautiful sight to see. After listening to the entire Beyoncé album I chose to lay in the sand in silence. I always find the most opportune times to vent to God. I feel my most connected to him when exploring nature or suspended in air on an airplane. I pray for hours sometimes, knowing that I am close enough to him to feel his presence more intensely. I reflected on the past few years of my life and was more than happy that I chose to venture off alone for my birthday weekend. It truly gave me time to put life into perspective.
I had the opportunity to think about all my desires and what I’d like to see come of my visions. I’ve grown into a woman who is a lot stronger and wiser than I ever imagined myself to be. My birthday weekend this year was a far cry from what it was last year. For the first time I honored me and what I felt my spirit needed. I needed alone time. I needed clarity. I needed serenity and peace. For once I felt like I was actually in control. As my birthday rolled around I smiled at all the sweet messages to wish me happy birthday. I also had the time to reflect on the people I didn’t hear from at all. “Friends” whom I wasn’t even aware we were on bad terms, they just kind of announced it by not reaching out. I remember reading my horoscope and it saying something to the effect of, “no matter what know that there are plenty of people who love you.” That message played in my mind realizing that the people I expected to hear from I never would. In most cases, when you over extend yourself to others you expect something in return. I took a mental note of all the people I spent my hard-earned money on in the past or invested my time trying to make them feel special I wasn’t even worth a quick call or text from them.
Life is funny. What I learned over the past weekend is that, no matter what you give and how much you give it, you just may never be enough. People will turn their discomfort or discontentment with themselves and make it about you. There will be people who base how they feel about you off of other people’s opinions and frankly that is okay. You can’t please everyone. And always trust that no matter who or what you lose if God hasn’t sent in a replacement it isn’t far away. Everyday life is revealing new things and if we aren’t careful we miss the opportunity of the people around us slowly revealing themselves too. It’s like when you grow the courage to treat people how they treat you and no longer tolerate uncertainty they get upset. It’s almost as if people would much rather you revel in the misery they dish than find peace and happiness in other places.People won’t always be here for you. There will come a day when “friends” are no longer checking for you. You will be disliked without warning or notice and all you can do is move on gracefully.
All in all, life is grand. With another year of life on this earth under my belt, this past weekend was certainly confirmation that the people you think love you or are riding for you aren’t always who you think they are. My only advice is to live your life the best way that you know how. Don’t chase things or people. Be all that you can be and you will attract quality relationships regardless. As you choose to live life drama free circumstances change. When you choose to be appreciated opposed to being tolerated, the people around you change. But, guess what? That is okay! At 26 I have discovered who’s for me and who never really was. In all honesty, I think a part of me had known for a while that certain people weren’t for me, it just took courage to admit it and move forward. The moral of this story is, when people choose to walk out unannounced, hold the door. There’s no point in trying to change their minds or reconcile when they’ve already made their choice. Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.