We can all pose for a picture, caption the best photo, and then proclaim self-love. Loving yourself is not about public displays of affection, the surface. It is a matter of what you are doing that the naked eye cannot see.
The Tough Decisions
Life presents us with people who will test the love we have for ourselves. The hardest part is that we will love, adore, and make sacrifices for the very people who will be our greatest source of pain.
During a recent phase in my life, I contemplated whether or not I should keep certain people in my life. I was prioritizing people who classified me as an option, so it was creating a major imbalance in my life. Anytime there is imbalance in our lives, we will feel its effect somewhere. For me, I became filled with anxiety. I constantly worried and thought, “Was I being a supportive friend?” “Do I bore these people” “Why does he/she only call on me when they need something?” The questions became problematic because I began putting my self-worth into question. Now, there is always room for improvement, but I came to learn it was not acceptable to poison my thoughts and self-perception because of the people I chose to surround myself with.
I had to come to terms and acceptance. I had to accept that these people were no longer valuable in my life. If I kept people in my life who became zeroes and negatives, then I would also tear down my potentiality and my existence. I had to set them free so I could be the best version of myself.
You have to make unapologetic sacrifices for yourself.
We all have dreams that can quake the world, but for many people that’s just what it is—a dream we go to when we are sleeping.
People (including myself) get pregnant with ideas and then abort their ideas once we realize it is going to be a long ambiguous road. I’m learning though: I’m learning that I need to be responsible for anything that I create in my mind. If I do not pursue my visions, I am blocking myself from a whole set of life experiences that I need in order to fulfill my larger purpose. How can I love myself yet I am constantly putting everything that I want on hold or I reject myself of my wishes entirely. That is like saying that I am only worthy of the basic necessities that I need in order to survive.
There comes a time when you have to decide that you are worth the risk. You have to take a leap of faith in yourself. While you can fall short of your own expectations, you must pull in people who will hold you accountable even when you cannot do it yourself. Push, for yourself.
You can speak love to yourself, but you live self-love through your decisions.
Michelene J is the author and founder of MicheleneJLife.com. Her blog is a tool for the everyday, carefree black girl on her journey to become a better version of herself. With advice on how to be a better you, following your dream and my all time favorite “Dear Black Girl, Michelene is definitely inspiring us daily through her advice and words. Be sure you visit Michelene’s blog to learn more about her and support her work.