I was texting my dad yesterday and he called me Bunny. A name I inherited as a little girl. I laughed as I pictured myself as a sexy, more grown up “Bunny.” Lately I’ve been living on the edge. I’ve been feeling like I just need to live in the moment and not think about what tomorrow may bring. Friday I rented a shiny red convertible for the weekend. Saturday I cruised through the city with the top down. I laughed with friends and felt like I had taken a shot for the old me. It’s ironic that the other day I told someone who I felt like the old me was dying slowly. If you’ve ever felt a sense of rebirth in your life you’ve gone through a pivotal moment. It’s a time when clarity is staring you directly in the eye saying “It’s about time your ass woke up.” I finally found meaning in the simple things. I can live on edge and let my hair down for a while.
I want to grow past who I knew. I want to forget what it felt like to walk in my old shoes. I want new ones. I want the ones that walk me directly into my destiny. I want a more than a conquer attitude. I am learning now more than ever that tomorrow is not promised and so all we have is now. Friday the 3rd I woke up and wrote A Book About Nothing because I had the time. I felt available for my dreams, something that I haven’t felt in a while. I lost myself in a few pages. I shared my growth which in turn walked others right into their healing and growth. It was written. After releasing it I knew that prior to me sharing it with the world the book had already been written, just like my life now. I can be anxious for the future or I can be vulnerable while reveling in the present. I can take a few risk. Jump through a few hoops, take some chances. This is life. This is me learning that detaching from the idea of how it should be is what helps me to embrace reality. I know myself now. I look in the mirror and say “about damn time you started to figure you out.” Well it only took over twenty years and while the process is far from over it feels good. I know my spirit.
What it means to know you is to know that no one but you is the ruler of what you feel. You are your own boss, you make your own rules. It is you that is living on the edge, not them. This is your life. You must do what you have to do to live it in such a way that is pleasing to you. I am comfortable enough in myself to know that no matter what decision anybody else makes I can confidently do what makes me happy. Last night a childhood friend of mine lost his life to senseless violence. The only memories I have of him is his smile and his desire to help others. I see his smile and know that his spirit will always live on. His passing was also a bit of a reality check. For none of us know the day nor the hour when God will call us home. It is our responsibility to live a righteous life all while living, breathing, walking, giving and living in LOVE. The more you love yourself the more you love others. This is why self-love is my most prized teaching here on my blog. We can’t give to others what we do not know how to give to us. What are you giving you? It’s projecting out into the world whether it be good or bad. Monitor that, get it in check!
As I continue to grow, I finally feel like a woman.. A grown ass woman. Nobody can subtract this feeling from my life because I created it, I discovered it, it had already been written. I love and embrace all of who I am more than I ever have and nobody can subtract that either because they didn’t give it to me. What you own is yours, that’s all you. You control you, your life and what you give to the universe. Always know that what we give out comes back tenfold. Live in the moments of right now. My biggest lesson lately is that tomorrow it never promised. If you were to go tomorrow what would you be leaving behind?
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.