You ever feel lost in a store? Just carelessly roaming the ailes because you can’t seem to find what you’re looking for? I just described my life.
I had one of the worse days ever. I’m alive and well, but today I felt off. I felt disconnected. I feel like I’m trying, but feel like I’m not doing enough at the same time. I’m living, doing things to the best of my ability and still seem as if I am coming up short. I wanted to cry today, but I didn’t. Every day I’m reminded to enjoy my journey in this thing I call life. I would be lying to you if I told you that I never feel lost. Today was one of those days. As tomorrow approaches I know not what what it holds, but I know God will carry me through.
I’m at a state of confusion. Today I thought about my ex boyfriend and nearly cried. Why? It beats me, but when you’re down everything comes flooding your emotion house out of nowhere. I was angry because I couldn’t understand why that situation crossed my mind. I think apart of me will always think of that situation and feel a sense of rejection and pain. I thought to write it out, but couldn’t at the moment so I opted on a nap instead. When I awoke, I woke to the sweetest message from a reader. She told me how she’s read all of my books over and over and how even the fictional stories are relatable to her. I thanked God because all I could really say to him in my head was, “I see what you did here.”
When you feel lost, unwanted, rejected or whatever you feel, your judgment is cloudy. You’re everything your mind tells you that you are because you know no better is this temporary state where you lack clarity. This was me today and God kindly stepped in with a reminder that I have a way out. I have something I love and live for. I was reminded that despite what I may feel, I am appreciated because my words are. In a current state of reflection I realized that shit seems foggy. Some days I feel uncertain and maybe even lonely on my journey, but what would it mean without these feelings? Where would my sense of self-discovery be? Where would my reminder be that God is always with me and he’s blessed me with gifts to bless the world in return?
I just really love what I do. I write to give back to others. When it’s fiction I know I’m creating a sense of reality through fictional characters. We as humans find an escape via their lives and in many ways can relate to how the characters feel. It’s refreshing to know that my imagination is entertaining to others. When I write non-fiction it’s direct from God. He has a way of helping me to identify all the ways I truly feel and put them into words. By his grace I’m helping others. I pray I write forever. I pray I live in my own lane as an author and never rely on the world to fill me. This is Gods blessing and every single day he gives me the strength to keep going. So, I said all this to say that even though I’ve been in a funk today a brighter tomorrow is always promised on the journey. It’s meant to be felt as well as enjoyed despite what those feelings may bring. Don’t you dare give up on yourself. On the worst of days trust that you’re exactly where you need to be at the right time. Let your gifts inspire you to never give up. Dream on!
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.
P.S. I am in. The process of planning a giveaway for my books. Stay tuned for that, lovelies!