In my twenty something years of living I’ve learned that like us women, men are sensitive sentimental creatures. While they may not always show their softer side they do have feelings and are often said to be far more emotional than women. I was talking to a good friend of mine and he said to me, “You always have such great advice for me. You’re the full package, how is it that you’re single?” A question that I despise. I feel as if it implies that a woman such as myself should be in a relationship opposed to being happy single and enjoying her life. I am like that India Arie record some days “I am ready for love” and most days I am channeling my inner Kelis and remembering how a few of the men from my past were caught out there… I just refuse to settle or to form a relationship without knowing a man for quite some time. That’s a whole other post tho!
I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years. I’ve also learned a lot about the opposite sex. As a woman when we are more in tune with who we are our senses are stronger, making it far more easier to detect what builds a man up or what can totally turn him away. The other day I was bombarded with articles and tweets about how every men should be like Drake, but what if every woman had Drake tendencies also? What if we as women went out on a limb and went the extra mile? What if we sat the expectations of what it should be like aside and put in a little effort too? I am not saying I am a guru and know it all because girl, I am single. What I am saying is, I know what’s worked and what hasn’t worked. And when I am ready to put what I’ve learned to the test when it comes to opposite sex this is what I will be keeping in mind. Most men know exactly what they want, but don’t voice it because it’s all common sense and they assume we should automatically know. Here’s a few things that are on a man’s common sense law list to take heed to.
Let Him Know He’s On Your Mind:
Do you ever sit around waiting on him to text first and end up waiting forever? Men are natural-born leaders. Because of this 95% of their day is consumed with how they are going to continue to lead and win while doing so. Meaning, his day is filled with thoughts of success and how to get better at whatever it is he’s out there doing. It takes nothing for you to pick up the phone, shoot him a quick text to let him know he’s thought of. He’ll appreciate it!
Value Your Time Together So Much That You Appreciate The Time Apart:
“Our time together is our time together and uh, our time together is our time apart so love Jay wit cha’ mind girl and not your heart.” – Jay Z
The great Shawn Carter once dropped many dope lines in his records that became quotables over my 20 something life span. One day I was driving home listening to Girls, Girls, Girls part 2. I replayed the above line over and over. At first I scrunched my nose up thinking “Men can’t possibly think this way.” I later thought that it may actually be halfway accurate. Men do not like to feel pushed or forced. As a woman who’s grown to embrace and love herself for who she is alone, I too have an issue with feeling pressured. I don’t want to be made to feel as if I always have to be in your presence all the time and only you. If I feel this way about premature relationship pressure I know a man does too. When I started to develop these feelings my first thought was “Dang, now I know how my ex felt.” LOL I laugh about it now, but it’s so important to give each other that space. He will thank you later with Chipotle, Oreos and a Starbucks gift card. 🙂
Be Supportive and Show Interest:
Us ambitious women sometimes forget that other people outside of us have dreams too. I truly believe that more than anything a man wants to know that he has support outside of friends and family. If you’re in his life it’s important to always show interest in the things that he loves while being supportive of all his dreams.
Have A Life Outside of Him:
If you’re lying around pressed wondering why he hasn’t responded to your calls and text you more than you likely have too much free time. I actually love it when guys are jealous of the time I spend with my girls. It’s a sign that I am not too wrapped up in what he and I have which gives him a chance to miss me. If you have a life that keeps you busy you won’t realize he never responded to that text until he actually responds 3 hours later. *rolls eyes*
This isn’t like when grandmamma nem’ were dating. Back in the day men would foot the bill for everything. I think now days men should still know that their role is to lead, but not take on absolutely everything. It is okay to pay sometimes ladies. If he does something nice for you do not be afraid to do something nice back. If you ask him to go out somewhere make sure you foot the bill. Often times our stubbornness unknowingly forms a lack of investment into a relationship and in turn that comes off as a lack of interest to a man. Don’t be the reasons he’s Netflix’n and Chill’n at Tasha house because you’re too stubborn and/or cheap…
“Got this model slash actress slash part-time waitress, spend a whole day she hang’n around with part-time haters. All they do is dish dirt and put her up on my latest.” – Jay z
Save The Drama:
When in doubt don’t assume, don’t jump to conclusions, find a distraction. Leave the Love and Hip Hop coonery for VH1. Don’t pick fights. Talk to him not at him. Do not make him feel as if he’s less than the man that he is during a disagreement. If you suspect other women do not mention them until your suspicious are underlined with proof. If you’re going to mention them and still stick around then you’re wasting your time and starting arguments for the sake of hearing yourself talk. Do not ask about the women before you, they don’t matter. You’ll just end up looking weird being overly concerned about women you’ve never met. Keep your issues in-house. Keep what goes on between you two private. Don’t tell your friends, buy a journal. He’ll thank you later with hot wings, Hennessy and a Sex and The City marathon.
When In Doubt Be Yourself:
Men want to feel like they are always with who they first met. Don’t be one woman to win him over and become someone else when you have him. Always be yourself. If you really want to win, be his best friend. Relationships or building with someone isn’t hard, we actually make it far more difficult than it has to be. If we go in lying out our expectations things will run smoothly. If we are honest about who we are than there will never be any surprises.
Part II: A List of Things Women Really, Really Want Men To Know, Coming soon!
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.