Yesterday I admired my hair, most of which ain’t home grown, but I still felt beautiful regardless. I went out and bought a new contour kit and did my makeup. I didn’t do much yesterday. Well let me not lie, my Saturday consisted of me going to Mac Cosmetics, practicing doing my own makeup, listening to Common and taking endless selfies. I was in complete bliss! I realized that no matter what enhancements I have or don’t have I love me just the same. I don’t need to go with or without to feel prettier or accept myself more, I am just me. For the first time in years I realized that each day I grow more and more comfortable in my own company. I grow insanely obsessed with the skin I am in. I care less and less about another person’s character defects because I know that getting over my own was a battle to still be won. You know what I realized?
When we find comfort in negativity or glorifying other people’s faults or short comings, we are missing something.
There is something in us that we have yet to discover about us that we love too much to secretly hate someone else. There is something about us that we have yet to discover is worth loving far much more than the desire to feel an ounce of intimidation toward a woman who’s simply being herself. Years before today, I was confused. I was in tune to my flesh more than I was in tune with my spirit. Constantly living in a state of comparison. And if there was ever, ever, everrrrr another woman who appeared to love all of who she was, I
hated her. I know, I know, hate seems like such a strong word, but in reality it’s the truth. I am a firm believer that you can only give to others what you give unto yourself, so if I lacked love for me and practiced self-hate when I looked at my own reflection, how could I ever embrace another woman who felt the complete opposite about herself?
As human beings we grow in spurts. We stunt our growth when we decide that comfortability is more important than become a better version of ourselves.
How does it happen you ask? Start by listening to yourself. What is about someone else that you always seem to turn into something ugly? What great qualities about another person do you tear apart opposed to glorifying? Listen to why you’re intimidated by others and seek to correct the problem. Alone time is where I first discovered that I am pretty amazing. When there is something missing within we go seeking it through others. So many forms of self-validation that we dive head first into not realizing how detrimental it truly is to rely on others. All of this can be avoided by simply embracing the time you spend alone.
Start making your mind a priority. Start channeling your thoughts and really considering what you think or how you feel about others. If we think our thoughts long enough they become our words. When we revel in our negative thoughts and allow them to be spoken we are continuing the repetitive pattern of using our own insecure thoughts to tear others down. Often times those negative words make us feel good in the moment, but they become a habit, something you can’t take back. Stop falsifying how you really feel and learn to really feel that way. Because I’ve spent years of my life pretending I loved all of who I was, it is so easy for me to pick up on others who suffer from it. It’s a hell of a lot easier to just do the work and really learn to appreciate the woman God created you to be.
Our insecurities are LOUD. Often times what we are trying to convince others to believe about us are the very things we still struggle to believe ourselves. Sit down and really lean you. Do the work and lean to love you.
I have always been really scared to unveil the root to all of problems. I hated the thought of trying to figure out why I didn’t honor who I was, why I didn’t cherish the spirit I was given. I spent so much time using my negativity toward others as a leverage that I failed to learn what it truly felt like to build myself up without the help of stepping on others first. To love you is to live in complete harmony and peace. I never get tired of looking at myself. I never get tired of being alone. I never get tired of looking at endless selfies of me genuinely happy because I knew what it took to get here. Find the root to your problems. Embrace all of who you are. Learn to love the skin you’re in. I am going to leave you all with one of my favorite acceptance speeches by Gabrielle Union, enjoy!
“We live in a town that rewards pretending. I had been pretending to be fierce and fearless for a very long time. I was a victim masquerading as a survivor. I stayed when I should have run. I was quiet when I should have spoken up. I turned a blind eye to injustice instead of having the courage to stand up for what’s right. I used to shrink in the presence of other dope beautiful women. I used to revel in gossip and rumors, and I lived for the negativity inflicted upon my sister actresses or anyone who I felt whose shine diminished my own.
It’s easy to pretend ‘to be fierce and fearless because living your truth takes real courage. Real fearless and fierce women admit mistakes and they work to correct them. We stand up and we use our voices for things other than self-promotion. We don’t stand by and let racism and sexism and homophobia run rapid on our watch. Real fearless and fierce women complement other women and we recognize and embrace that their shine in no way diminishes our light and that it actually makes our light shine brighter.
So many of us in this room are sisters. We don’t always get to see each other and it’s good to see you here today. Women who we’ve laughed with, cried with, and struggled with, thank you for not turning your back on me, thank you for not tap dancing on my misery, even when I wasn’t always returning the favor.”