“I do not know who I would be without my creativity.” – Jill Scott
Today I feel like I can do anything I want to do. Today I feel like I can be anything that I want to be. On December 1st, 2015 I sat in bed reading my daily bible plans. Ironically, all of the subjects I read on were about seeing yourself in God’s likeness. All of my life I’ve dealt with a multitude of insecurities. I’ve battled with letting negative words linger in my mind and heart for years. After you’re treated a certain way for so long it becomes imbedded in you. After you hear certain things about yourself for so long you begin to believe them. This has been the story of my life. Struggling with not being able to look in the mirror and love who I see. Having all these God-given gifts and talents, but never feeling like I was capable of doing anything with them.
“Why does it matter what I look like as long as I tell my story and you relate to it?” – Jill Scott
Over the years I felt myself becoming more and more fearless. I felt myself becoming more and more self-trusting. I felt myself becoming wiser, but more importantly I had begun to love me deeply. When I loved me deep enough the negative words said and all of the mistreatment had begun to fade to Black. See, the problem with internalizing the things that people say to us is, it damages how we feel about ourselves. The problem with taking to heart mistreatment from others is we believe that it is what we deserve. It also creates a habit of us picking ourselves apart wondering what we could have or shouldn’t have done to satisfy this person. It’s detrimental. We have to get tired of limiting ourselves. We must get tired of letting our insecurities make us feel like we are incapable of the best. We have to fight against our doubts and fears. We have to reject the notion that we are who people say we are or how they treat us.
For years I lived imprisoned by who I thought I was. I was afraid to go for what I deserved because all my life I’ve been made to feel like I didn’t deserve it. And on December 1st, 2015 I had that feeling again. I felt I wasn’t enough for all that was coming my way. It was almost like something evil lingering around wanting me to feel bad. It was like it wanted me to reject feeling good about the good things happening to me. I felt great things happening and I shrunk in intimidation because those negative thoughts had begun to play in my mind again. As I read my bible plan it was like God was sitting right there speaking to me. It read:
“God created both men and women in his own image. That means we have the ability to think and reason as God does, the power to feel emotions as God feels them and a will to act as God acts. Our image was tainted when sin entered the world. But in giving us these capacities, God designed us to be able to relate to him intimately. As the image of God is restored in us through Jesus-as we are conformed to be like him and our sins are forgiven-we function as God intended, bringing us joy, peace and contentment.”
That hit home. It made me realize that as long as I feel for myself the way He feels I will live in peace and contentment. As long as I fight to live in the likeness of my creator I will flourish and be blessed. I prayed long and hard that God would continue to help to release my fears. I prayed that he would continue to guide me or allow me to not remain a prisoner to my insecurities. As I finished my nightly routine I had a wave of confidence rush through me. I felt powerful. I felt capable. I felt calm and at peace. I believed that I was worthy of all that God was blessing me with and the moment that I believed he showed me his power. I fell asleep that night, but it wasn’t for long. My phone wouldn’t stop going off from notifications. It was announced that I had won the award for Best Book or Author Blog for the Black Weblog Awards. I cried and I smiled, but most importantly before that I had prayed. Do you see the power in prayer? Do you see the power in believing in what God has for you? Sometimes he answers later than you expect him to or sometimes he answers right away. Either way when God answers HE is always on time.
I want to personally thank all of you who voted for me. Those of you who’ve encouraged others to vote for me and all of you who continue to support me. You are all a part of my journey. You all have a piece of me. This award is our award. This award is the beginning of many doors that will continue to open a gateway to endless possibilities. I encourage you all to walk in your truth and live out your wildest dreams. We only get one life to live and if we keep God first and relevant in it, one life is all we need.
I do not know who I would be without my creativity and in this moment I never want to find out.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.