How Self- Hatred Lead to Unconditional Self-Love

“The less we live in the past, the easier it is for us to embrace our imperfections. After All, our imperfections are what make us who we are” – Amber Janae 

FullSizeRender (7)I forever feared loving me. I don’t necessarily know if this fear was intentional or a subconscious thing. I guess I just felt like I wasn’t worth being loved, by myself or others. I developed an inferiority complex at a very young age. My complex later grew into full on self-hatred. As a young black girl developing into womanhood, due to society’s unrealistic standards my self-hatred grew rapidly. I hated my body. I hated me. Conventional beauty standards had furthered supported this complex I had developed. To the world I was undesirable and the more that message was drilled the more I believed in it.  I looked in the mirror in full on disgust sometimes. Other times I looked in the mirror and cried. I cried because although I was beautiful, I did not see it. I didn’t believe it.

I spent my whole life trying to fit in because of this. I wanted desperately to be loved and liked by the very people who poured fuel into the fire that kept my complex blazing. I was always eager to become everything and everyone else except honoring the powerful being I am internally. When I reflect back on those moments in my life, I realize that I was rejecting the unknown. I was rejecting the unfamiliar due to my refusal to embrace all of who I was. Have you ever felt a sense of discouragement or intimidation due to you over analyzing your imperfections? It isn’t very empowering to base your future fate off of your imperfections or self-doubts. I lived in a space where I once felt that I was impossible to love fully. Not because I am a bad person, but because my imperfections coupled with how I was made to feel about myself in the past resulted in me believing I wasn’t enough. We have to learn to fall in love with who we are and stop seeking to be loved for who we are not. It’s also important to know that you cannot become a better version of yourself without accepting the imperfect pieces of who you are.

Our truth is in who we once were and how we have grown since then. It all about how the version of us we once hated, the one who helped us to grow into and love who we are today. Our truth is in our testimony of how awesome of a God we serve. God see’s past what we deem to be imperfect about us. God sees past what we fail to love and loves it all anyway. God loves on us until we learn who we really are and learn the true value in loving ourselves. We hold our happiness, peace and self-love hostage on account of what is flawed about us, all the while ignoring all of the things about ourselves that are uniquely beautiful. You can have imperfections by the dozens and still be beautiful. We have to stop letting our insecurities convince us we don’t matter or that we are unlovable or inadequate. Don’t let your flaws be the reason you deny the blessings bestowed upon you.  Your refusal to tap into your true self and honor your power is what holds you back from a life filled with light and blessings. Most importantly, we must learn to refuse to trail backward to the people that assisted in causing us to question all of who we are.

How will we ever grow to better embrace or correct where we are flawed if we live life not acknowledging that perfection is a myth? It took me nearly dying to wake up and realize that my presence here is needed. There is a greater purpose her for me. I can learn to accept who I am or can live life feeling miserable and defeated. When I began stripping the layers of who I was told I was and discovering the real me life changed. I got comfortable with being alone. I learned to appreciate my shyness. I learned to value my introversion. I dug a bit deeper. I prayed daily. I meditated daily and asked for forgiveness for all the harm I had done to myself. I also had to learn to forgive myself.

Often times we forget that the war we are fighting with the world is really is an internal one with ourselves. We are constantly putting ourselves through pain on account of who we look in the mirror and can see not realizing that the battle is with who we can’t see. The battle is internal. The battle is with releasing the past, not allowing it to become us or mold us to believe we are not worthy. The battle is with not letting our flesh control us and learning to let our spirit lead the way. You are worthy of love, but that love does not come if you’re constantly in fear of loving yourself. The less we live in the past, the easier it is for us to embrace our imperfections and look forward to the future. Our past and interacting with it is always a reminder of who we once were. Dead it. The past exist only to elevate you. Live in harmony. Be at peace with who you are. Fall in love with your spirit. Love your flaws. Embrace your imperfections because it’s only a fraction of the amazing spirit you are.

Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.

Advertisements
whoisamberjanae

2 thoughts on “How Self- Hatred Lead to Unconditional Self-Love

  1. THIS….that is all my heart is telling me to say you took the feelings out of me and wrote them down the way I would like to verbalize it! Keep writing your blog is me wrapped into another person. May God continue to be a blessing to you and your life!!
    THANK YOU

  2. Enjoyed and needed this. Thank you. My favorite part: “Often times we forget that the war we are fighting with the world is really is an internal one with ourselves. . . The battle is internal.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s