Alone Doesn’t Always Mean You’re Lonely

FullSizeRender (13)These are my very own thoughts and opinions. Many of you may frown upon them. Many of you may not agree, but there will be those of you who find solace in the words you read. Many of you will click out of this post full of confirmation and be inspired for restoration. Many of you will overlook the lessons that the universe is trying to spill over into your hearts and lives through another person. I am only sharing because for years God has forcefully tried to spill this message into my heart. The day I finally got the message wasn’t enough. Why? Because it’s not enough to receive a message. You can receive a message all day long, but what are you doing with it? It only becomes enough when you act on the blessings that you receive and become strong enough to share your blessings with the world.

The other day I was lying in bed, candles burning, laughing hysterically at things I had found online. As tears from laughter rolled down my cheeks, I thought; “Wow, being alone is really peaceful.”  10 years ago you couldn’t force me to feel this way, but now I embrace it fully. My thoughts ran further. I relaxed on my thoughts a bit. I stopped to ponder on what if God’s intentions were for me to be alone forever. While I trust in my heart that, that is not the plan for my life, the thought of it once gave me anxiety. Admittedly, it may be difficult for any of us to rest in the idea that I may be alone forever. It became important for me to figure out why I felt this way. I was born in this world alone. As an adolescent I knew not the difference of being alone and always having someone present. Other people’s presence beyond my immediate family wasn’t a necessity for me. But somehow as I got older, I learned to not constantly crave or desire the presence of family, but I always needed or desired random people.

So the task then became to find the root as to when that changed for me.

As I thought long and hard, I discovered the root of my problem. I lingered in the place that was once my past. I thought about all of my friendships gone wrong. I thought of all of my relationships gone wrong. In those thoughts I realized that a lot of those relationships were built on fear. A lot of those relationships formed out of pure eagerness. I was eager to minimize my fear of loneliness. I was eager to know that God had a plan for me to not be alone forever. I was acting on my own plans opposed to letting life unfold organically. I was readily attaching myself to people and situations I barely knew all out of my eagerness and fear. I spoke so highly on protecting my peace, but constantly ignored the fact that the disruption of my peace is the price I had to pay for not carefully identifying with the people I allowed into my personal space. Discontentment, dysfunction, self-pity, self-doubt, the feeling of unworthiness is all the price we pay for selfishly attaching to others, not valuing who we are as an individual.

Generational Curses are real.

Let me explain…

It is often common for us to inherit traits or habits from our parents. What we believe in as young adults are often a product of what we’re taught. Who we perceive ourselves to be, positively or negatively are in most cases what we know to believe based on things that are taught to us early on. We see certain things. We inherit habits due to what we’ve become exposed to overtime. We  grow to despise the very people that expose us to bad habits because they’re a constant reminder of who we do not want to be. We’ve unwillingly become the very people we despise. In order to escape who we’ve become we run from this person, in a figurative and literal sense.  How do we run? Forced attachments. We create this weird idea that in order to be complete we need others, but in reality our eagerness to be with others is often hidden in a deep rooted fear of being alone. Being alone allows us to come face to face with the person deep down inside we are running from. Being alone allows us to see, not only are we running from who we’ve become, but we’re running from acceptance and forgiveness from the person(s) who we’ve inherited our behavioral patterns from. Being alone allows us to get to the root and kill those unhealthy roots of generational curses. Being alone makes us think about the shit that we don’t necessarily want to think about. Being alone allows us to live in our thoughts. Being alone allows us to stop and self-reflect. Being alone forces us to sit still and really come to terms with who we truly are, even if we can’t stand it.

If we are jumping from person to person, from thing to thing we are living in avoidance of who it is we are running from. Now is the time to get comfortable with being who you truly are. Now is the time to get uncomfortable with being alone. Now is the time to accept your past, but not revel in it.  As long as you see yourself as a reflection of who you were in the past or base your future on where you came from, you will never be able to grow and see the glory in the potential of who you can become. Often times it is our bouncing from relationship to relationships that gives us a sense of validation. It stimulates us. It gives us what we require at the moment and then we’re on to the next because what we are really in need of cannot be fulfilled through others. What we are seeking we will never find searching for it in all of the wrong places. We run from discovering who we truly are out of fear that it’ll remind us that we aren’t living in our truth. Now is the time to learn to get comfortable with the idea of being alone. Don’t be afraid. This is a journey we are all on together. A be clear, the art of being alone is reconnecting with the soul. Being alone doesn’t always mean you’re lonely.

Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed. 

Photo Cred: Shayla Williams – Social Media Specialist – Shoe Dazzle


11 thoughts on “Alone Doesn’t Always Mean You’re Lonely

  1. Yes!

    On Mon, Aug 29, 2016 at 10:00 AM, wrote:

    > whoisamberjanae posted: “These are my very own thoughts and opinions. Many > of you may frown upon them. Many of you may not agree, but there will be > those of you who find solace in the words you read. Many of you will click > out of this post full of confirmation and be inspired for” >

  2. Two sentences stood out to me here:
    ‘We’ve unwillingly become the very people we despise’ and ‘Now is the time to get uncomfortable with being alone.’ That was some deep truthful shit that hit my core. It made me uncomfortable reading it too and that’s when I know it’s real.
    As humans we’re defaulted to function in groups, but to know one’s self the truth is we have to learn to be our best companion, and I think for a lot of people, especially the young, we find that hard to do. We constantly feel the need to be engaged in something, so as not to feel the, often overwhelming loneliness.
    This is some deep reflection post, Amber, love it!

  3. Dang, I was really hoping this post was going to keep going. Alas, once I got to the end, I was a bit dismayed, and that because I was enjoying, relating and so engrossed in the read. Thanks for this post! You are inspirational, and I’m glad knowledgeable as well.

    1. Hi Deinma, I wish I could have gone on forever but the best part of reading is now you have content to go back and reference to apply to your life. I share my experiences with the hope that you and others will continue on a path of personal development and wellness because it is the only way to truly achieve our purpose here on earth. Wishing you blessings and success my dear, xo!

  4. This hit Home,I read your material but I passed this one till date because I knew it was for me,decided to read it this morning after i found out my partner has been seeing someone twice our age.Thanks amber

    I’d like to take this chance to thank you,I started my own blog after i came across your masterpiece a few months ago..

    1. My heart aches for you. I know how it feels trust me. I’ve been cheated on it and it sucks. It’s been the reason why I’ve been at my lowest points in the past. I won’t lie to you and say it won’t hurt because it will but don’t allow yourself to live in that hurt space. Feel the hurt, embrace it but don’t let it become you. This is preparing you on your journey. I know because I’ve lived it. Please keep in touch with me. If you need to vent I’m here for you.

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