One day I woke up and decided that it is too much of a burden to continue to wear old wounds. It is too much to not seek forgiveness of myself but demand it from someone else. One day I looked at love and saw the reflection of my past playing out on a movie reel. I realized that my life is everything that I wanted it to be. I am capable of having any and everything that my heart desires. But at some point I only attracted what weighed me down. I only knew what kept me in a flow vibrational state of being. If I wanted difficulty, discomfort, uncertainty, pain it would be. If I consumed my mind with these things I’d attract them. It was the same if I chose to change my negative way of thinking to more positive thoughts. There is so much power in what we believe. We learn a lot about ourselves by connecting with others. Love can teach us so much if we allow it to. But there is also a downside to love.
Sometimes we want love through our friendships and partners to be what we longed for as a child. We want people to be to us what we refuse to be to ourselves. We get angry when people fail to show up for us. We get angry when friends don’t respond the way we want them to. We abruptly walk away from partnerships the moment it doesn’t fit the idea of the fairytale we created in our minds. Never once stopping to consider if there is work we need to do on ourselves that makes us react in such a way. We are often eager to feel what we’ve missed out on through external forces not realizing that it is no one’s job but our own to feel those spaces. Sometimes we just need to accept our own bullshit. Sometimes we have to meet our own selves halfway. Sometimes it takes courage and understanding. Understand that you make mistakes by trying to find what you need outwardly, instead of going within. The good thing is, mistakes are okay. Mistakes are how we learn. Mistakes are how we are able to understand where we are on our growth journey and how far we have to go. Mistakes help us to assess the hurt and pain so we can work on the unresolved issues that we still harbor on. Our mental and emotional health is all we have. If we’re unhealthy internally, we are suffering beings. We were not created to suffer. We are not here to make other people suffer due to what we lack.
Look to the spaces in you that you feel a void. Look to the areas that you feel you are lacking in. What do you feel when you think of these things? Do you feel incapable? Do you feel unworthy of it changing for the better? Do you feel unloved or unlovable? How you feel about you speaks volumes. We must learn that who we are to ourselves is who we are to everyone else. The world can only meet you as far as you have met yourself. In most cases, if not all, a deep longing for someone else is nothing more than a longing our truest selves. Also, start to pay attention to how you treat others. Pay attention to the role you play in other people’s lives. Are you the giver or the taker? Is there balance? Can people count on you? Do you leave people better than the way you found them? Your energy could be killing yourself and others but you wouldn’t even know it. Your unresolved issues or pain could be causing friction and chaos in other people’s lives because you have not mastered how to properly deal with your own internal issues. It’s not always others. It’s often our unresolved insecurities or old ways of thinking that push away our friends, family and partners. We can’t expect to build with others what we refuse to build with ourselves.
The thing is, communication and acknowledgement starts with you first. Start being honest with yourself. Start acknowledging where you fall short. Start being truthful about the ways you are incomplete. Work on correcting these errors within, without expecting others to be the answer. We can be beautiful and strong outwardly, but it doesn’t matter if our mental and emotional state is unhealthy. Our instability can be poison for not just ourselves, but others. Start showing up for yourself more. Leave the excuses behind. Stop blaming the world for why you refuse to let go of what no longer serves you. Whether mentally, emotionally or spiritually, work on yourself every day. Commit to your own growth within. Nobody is going to do the work for you. In matters of the heart, you need you more than you need anybody else in this world. Seek harmony. Always follow your heart. Do the work within. Let go of all that no longer serves you. Stop subjecting yourself to people and things that are unhealthy for you. Remember, that our only true reality is love. You are a limitless being. All that you want, you’re capable of having if you believe in yourself. Meet yourself. Show up for yourself. Be everything that you need and stop relying on external forces to be that it you.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.