When the news broke about Karrueche Tran filing a restraining order against her estranged ex, Chris Brown, my heart ached for her. At one point do we stop making excuses because someone is talented and hold them accountable for their unacceptable behavior? We’ve watched for years as she battled with staying or completely walking away from a visibly tumultuous relationship. While many were in support of her courage, there were plenty more people who accused her of using him for fame. Blaming her for actions of someone who has a known history of being unstable and abusive toward women. As women we’re often judged and criticized when we choose to look out for ourselves, but when we’re struggling to survive in a unhealthy relationship no one seems to hear our cries.
Some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten is, “your personal relationships are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.” Admittedly, it was a hard concept for me to grasp and accept. For a long time I entertained what was unhealthy. It’s true that we often attract people that mirror the way we feel about and treat ourselves. So, once upon a time toxicity in my personal relationships was normal. Not just romantic ones, friendships and work relationships too. Eventually I accepted that the common denominator in all of this was me. If I wanted to attract better I, myself had to be better. Overtime, my love for me grew. I no longer had the tolerance for anything that that didn’t equate to the love I had for self. I was quickly able to identify when my relationships were unhealthy. Here are some telltale signs that your personal relationship(s) are too toxic for you.
You Often Feel Taken for Granted
If you’re feeling like you’re giving more than you’re taking, then the relationship is an obvious problem. Pay attention to the red flags. We often ignore when we’re feeling depleted and forgotten because we have hope things will change. My biggest issue in relationships was to stop settling for the potential of what it could be. If they refuse to acknowledge all that you do, it’s a sign to leave them where they stand.
You Feel Unsafe
Domestic abuse is no joke. On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. Physical, mental and emotional abuse from a partner is unjustifiable. Most of us are unsure of how to get out of the relationship we are in. If we’ve figured it out how to move on we’re often too afraid. If you’re in a relationship and feeling unsafe or you’re being abused, leave. There are tons of resources and options to help you relieve yourself from a situation that is harmful or unhealthy. We are all deserving of the best kind of love. There is no reason why we should be suffering or choosing to put ourselves in danger. Love is not painful. Love does not mean suffering.
You Feel Isolated from Your Normal Life
One of the biggest signs we ignore in harmful relationships is being forced to isolate from our normal life. In relationships you can be convinced that your friends and family are no longer worth your time. In friendships you can feel like you’re not entitled to have other friends. They convince you that being inside all the time and not being out is better for you. This behavior is in an effort to control you. Know when it’s time to take your life back. Walk away from anyone that forces you to shut out the rest of the world.
You Feel Held Back from Life or Like You’re Incapable of Accomplishing New Goals
Sometimes this can be an insecurity within yourself. Because you aren’t secure you may tend to feel uncomfortable with establishing new friendships/relationships out of fear they’ll view you the way we view yourself. At that point, it’s time to check your security level with yourself. Sometimes you feel more successful prior to entering a relationship/friendship. When this occurs, it needs to be evaluated. Toxic bonds deplete so much of us. We lose sight of our goals. Any ambition we had often goes out the window when dealing with toxic individuals. If we hang around people that are stagnant or want to keep us stagnant we will remain that way. It’s even worse when we allow ourselves to remain in romantic relationships with these types of people. You do not want to look back on life years down the line, realizing you’ve let this relationship stop you from living your best life.
You Feel Disconnected from Your Personal Beliefs and Values
One of the biggest signs for me in a past relationship that it was detrimental was, I felt 100% disconnected from God. I felt like I had lost complete touch with all that I value and believe in. You have to be connected with people who truly make you feel comfortable with being your true self. Your beliefs may not always align, but that doesn’t mean you can’t meet people halfway if you truly love them. In the past, I felt like every time I had chosen to forgive and reenter a toxic relationship, I was going against everything I stood for or believed in. If your relationships are causing you to live a life that doesn’t align with your beliefs and values, it isn’t for you.
You Often Feel Drained Physically and Emotionally
If a relationship gets to the point where you’re physically and emotionally sick, it’s time to cut it out of your life. Your health and well-being is far more important than holding onto someone who refuses to see our value. Physically, emotionally and mentally draining relationships often result in us being harmed or harming ourselves. A lot of these abusive relationships result in death. You have to want to survive and be healthy more than you want to feel a false security or a false perception of true love.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.