Ineffective Habits That May Be Hindering Your Dating Process

bu0ifucyhs0-dahiana-candeloWe all have terrible habits that we wish we could do away with forever. It’s tough to notice just how attached you are to old beliefs or habits when you’re so used to them being a part of your everyday life. As a result, what becomes natural habits for us are viewed at as normality’s which hinders our ability to take accountability when our habits become a hindrance. Being single is the most opportune time to reflect and assess what about us we can correct or be better at to have healthy relationships in the future. Here are a few key things that are the poorest habits for singles when dating.

Trying to Possess the Outcome of New Relationships:

When we meet someone new, it’s great. We’re actively taking the time to get to know them while enjoying the dating process. But then comes the point when our anxiety kicks in. We want to control the outcome the situation, living for the future and not celebrating the present. Possession is a form of control. Seeking to control a person or relationship doesn’t represent authenticity, in fact, it’s the opposite. Projecting our fears onto a relationship is the easiest way to stunt its growth. Our desire to possess the relationship causes us to make fear based decisions. Irrational decisions are often made in an attempt to protect ourselves from the unknown or scenarios we’ve created in our minds. It is trying to control the person, the outcome, an avoidance of being hurt or all of the above that can become a hindrance to our dating process. Anything new is scary. But our unwillingness to allow relationships to develop organically is a reflection of our level of self-security.

Refusing to Forgive and Grow Beyond Who Hurt You:

Hurt people hurt people. It’s common for us to subconsciously become those who hurt us. Before any attempt to meet someone new we have to do a heart and spirit check. Are we emotionally stable enough to begin dating again? Have we fully forgiven our past? Refusing to break free of past hurts leaves you in a constant state of painful reflection. We expect the same the same outcome of new relationships because our unforgiven past has us bonded. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the ones who hurt us. Forgiveness does, however, have everything to do with us. It aids in the restoration of our hearts, mind, and spirit. It helps to ensure a healthier healing process and makes for better more fulfilling relationships in the future. Forgiveness is a choice, but it isn’t optional. It’s tough to welcome new relationships when you’re refusing to forgive the people who’ve hurt you in the past.

Dating In Accordance to Your “List”:

A list is that 33-page essay full of requirements that your next potential mate MUST have before even being considered for a date. Let’s face it, we are all imperfect. A list is merely unrealistic desires that we want the next person we date to have. It is our way of avoiding our next potential mate having any characteristics that mirror an ex. I once believed that only a certain type of man would be worth being with. Yes, I too once had a 33-page essay! Like all of us, I had this attraction to a particular type. Anyone who didn’t fit into what I desired just wasn’t for me. It is common to reject great people because someone new doesn’t fit the idea of what you deem as perfect. It’s tough, but we really can’t be afraid to step out of our comfort zones. That brother or sister you’re rejecting just may be everything you’ve been praying for, but that 33-page list is blocking the process. Our blessings may not always be packaged how we imagined them to be. So don’t miss a good thing because their outer appearance or certain characteristics don’t fit the unrealistic idea you’ve created.

Not Knowing the True You, Wanting Someone Else More Than You Want Yourself:

In a lot of cases, were far too eager to find in another what we should be seeking in ourselves. Sometimes we’re unaware of who we truly are deep down inside and regarding relationships, knowing you matter. If you’re unaware of who you are every relationship has a probability of failure. Not understanding yourself can lead to you adjusting to fit a mold of what seems perfect for the person you’re with instead of truly being who you are. You have to be acutely aware of who you are so you lack the desire to try to fit an idea of what seems right for the moment or be a carbon copy of what someone else wants. Knowing yourself is crucial when developing personal relationships. You have to be sure of what it is that you really want so you’re able to be clear about all that you expect and will tolerate from the beginning of the relationship. Know yourself. Trust yourself enough to fall into places where you are accepted for exactly who you are, not who you pretend to be.

Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed. 

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One thought on “Ineffective Habits That May Be Hindering Your Dating Process

  1. Needed this today. I’ve been dating someone for 2.5 months & I felt like my anxiety has gotten the best of me. I need to let the relationship develop organically & not force it. Learning to let things be beautiful.

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