Codependency: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.
Codependency was identified as an emotional disorder well over ten years ago after studies were conducted on the interpersonal relationships in the families of those with alcohol addictions. While the word gets thrown around ver loosely, we’ve learned over the years that codependency isn’t limited to alcohol or substance abuse. It extends to personal relationships as well. It is possible to be too overly dependent on our partners, family, and friends. Even the idea of being in a relationship can be a codependent habit, causing one to be a serial dater. Do we always recognize when our behavior is excessively compulsive? Are we always 100% honest when we’re too dependent on others? In most cases, the answer to this question is no. Whether learned or passed down from others, codependency is a very crippling condition.
It can usually be identified through several problematic behavioral patterns that hinder one’s emotional health and stunts the growth of healthy personal relationships. What are some common signs of codependency?
- Emotional manipulation + Control.
- The inability to communicate effectively.
- Lack of identifying, understanding or being expressive of feelings and or emotions.
- Unable to relinquish control over others due to fears of abandonment.
- Lack of confidence in self which leads to a constant need for approval or validation.
There are so many others signs that can indicate one is too co-dependent on others. What’s one major factor that we attribute codependency to? Lack of self-investment! Those who are overly dependent on others often struggle with self-esteem and self-love issues. They’re in a constant search of something or someone outside of themselves to feel a void. Codependents become too reliant on external forces to heal them in places that unbeknownst to them are incurable by forces outside of them. How do we focus on releasing codependency?
Don’t Fear to Detachment
Why are you afraid to let go? What or who are you holding on to that you’re too overly reliant on? Being overly reliant on others keeps you stuck in old constructs and belief systems. Mainly the belief that you need others to survive or feel loved. It’s clinging to a false idea, enabling a false sense of self. Attachment enables control and dependency. The best way to release something is to learn to not fear gradually detach yourself from it.
Be Open to Growth
Many of us are living as fragmented, watered-down versions of ourselves, afraid of growth. It’s the choice to not want to grow beyond what you know. In most cases, it isn’t because you lack direction, but the space in which you know the most comfort is the easiest for you to stay in. You allow the feelings of comfort to determine where you go and how far you go. The only thing hindering your growth is you. The only person keeping you attached to dependency is you. The more you support your destructive behavioral patterns the more difficult it becomes to grow beyond what you know.
Allow it All to Happen
Allow whatever needs to be said and done to be said and done. Allow life to run its course. Allow the Universe to work its magic. Allow yourself to take control back over your own life. Establish healthy emotional boundaries. Allow yourself to choose you for once. Choose freedom. Choose to be free of needing others to affirm or validate you. Allow your love for yourself to be all that you need.
Say Yes to Healing
Your biggest problem is your inability to sit with, acknowledge and heal old wounds. You rely on people or things to lessen the pain of past traumas instead of doing the work to heal. Instead of investing in your own healing, you’ve become addicted to relying on outside forces to fill you in the places you openly neglect. Heal yourself. The world and people around you have never and will never be your savior.
Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.